


Unsteady

by brahe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Maybe - Freeform, Sort of like a character study on ahsoka, angsty angst, spoilers for the clone wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 21:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6770743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brahe/pseuds/brahe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wants to live this life, but she can't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing Ahsoka! Based on a gifset and the song Unsteady by X Ambassadors.

There's nothing glamorous about being a jedi. It's rules and regulations and instructions and no room for being an individual. She's just one of the younglings, and then she's one of the learners, and then she's one of the padawans. The Order weighs heavy on her, wearing her shoulders down.

  
Sometimes she hates it, needs to get away from it. She's always in the middle, always on the front lines. She feels like she's been running since Anakin took her on and she can't catch her breath.

  
It's always the worst after a mission. It doesn't matter if they win or lose; Master Skywalker is always tense and snappy. She avoids him when she can on those days, because while he's never mean to her on purpose, sometimes the things he says hit harder than a blaster shot. She loves him more than anything, but sometimes she feels like it doesn't make a difference.

  
Master Kenobi is never much better. He's silent, often, placing a hand on her shoulder and saying nothing. At night, sometimes, she hears Obi-Wan and Anakin fight through the walls, hears their frustration and their anger but not their words. On days like this, she feels more alone than a single star, isolated from a life she could have had and would never know. She is just another face in a thousand.

  
It breaks her to leave Anakin, because she loves him with all her heart. It breaks her, but she knows she can't stay.

  
There are tears on her face as she turns away, as she walks away. She feels a piece of herself separate and stay behind. She feels the confusion from Master Kenobi and she feels the sadness from Master Skywalker. A part of her tells her that she's the one causing them pain, that she's adding to the madness that's lurking in Anakin's mind and to the sadness that threatens Obi-Wan's soul. A part of her wants to stop, wants to cry out in a voice destroyed by tears,

  
"Tell me to stay!"

  
She walks away and everything crumbles behind her, but she can't bring herself to turn around.


End file.
